There’s not much in my life to regret. Every person has her moments of shoulda, woulda, coulda’s, but for the most part, the major decisions of my life have been made with much deliberation. So it surprised me the other day when, in a moment of rare silence, I was caught unawares by one nagging bit of past regret.
Once upon a time, I lived in Wichita, Kansas, where I attended Newman University with the intention of graduating with a degree in elementary education. I wanted to be a second-grade teacher. I went to school four nights a week plus four hours each Saturday morning. This was in addition to my full-time job as a teller for Fidelity Bank. I was twenty years old and the only one living in the dorm who attended evening classes while working forty hours a week. My prescence was of a matronly sort, and my friends, particularly the boys across the hall, turned to me whenever they needed someone to loan them a can opener or iron. Occasionally they would slip me little love notes underneath my door, but that was mostly when they were drunk.
One of my core classes was focused on students learning and applying basic computer applications. For one particular assignment, we were required to write a mock-up news article like what you might find in a daily newspaper. Mine was a light-hearted take on college kids and stress, and it was written from first-hand experience. I still have that article in a red folder, and I flip through it from time to time. I like to peruse the papers and measure my growth as a writer.
Although I wasn’t aware of it at first, the teacher who taught that computer class also happened to be the managing editor of the university newspaper. After presenting my mock article to the class, the teacher pulled me aside and offered me a position on the paper as a staff writer. In short, he was impressed with my writing skills. I was torn, to say the least, and ultimately I turned down the job.
Unfortunately, I had bills to pay. Aside from living expenses, I had an unreliable car to maintain. I had food to buy. My job at the bank barely left any discretionary income in my pocket, so I knew there was no way I would be able to quit my real job and live off what was being offered. I also knew I wouldn’t be able to juggle a full-time job, full-time class load, and a full-time writing job. I couldn’t do it all.
I wanted that writing position. I really wanted it. But I was rich on common sense, back then, even at twenty years of age.
I haven’t thought about that incident in years. Had I taken that job with the paper, I don’t think the course of my life would have been altered in any sort of dramatic way. I feel certain I would still be sitting on this couch and writing a blog post, perhaps about some other past regret.
It’s just, what are the chances that the managing editor of a newspaper is going to, once again, toss a job into my lap?
As a writer, I can only expect to get what I am willing to give.
And I am ready to give . . .

8 comments
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November 20, 2007 at 10:37 pm
Mary
I don’t think there should be any regret in following the sensible path. At that time, in that place, you had your sights set on a specific objective and you did everything you could to make that a reality. You could be like me: the girl who took the job at 19 and got so burned out, she was almost in tears every morning as she drove to work. I have no regrets; I have too many possibilities I have yet to explore.
November 21, 2007 at 10:54 am
Gnorb
There is no pain like the pain of regret. This, unfortunately, I know too well, since too often have I found myself regretting past decisions, mostly things I didn’t do, risks I didn’t take, or commitments I didn’t follow through. (Unfortunately for me, these regrets would have indeed changed my life, drastically.)
The great thing about the future is that you can always start from now to live the life you intend to, to live a life free from regrets henceforth. And as you are doing that, I heartily congratulate you. (”Heartily”… is that a word? My spellcheck says it is, though it also says “spellcheck” isn’t a word. Hmmm…
I’ll be honest, I’m not always a fan of “sensible decisions”, mostly because I’m of the belief that the safe path is often the most dangerous, but it seems those are the decisions I always end up making. I’m at a point in my life, however, where a “sensible decision” is one that aligns with my long tern goal, regardless of how foolish it may seem in the short run. I’ve yet to regret one of these. I intend to keep it that way.
Oh, by the way, happy Thanksgiving.
November 21, 2007 at 12:11 pm
tracey
I disagree! A simple decision like a different job choice is what could have altered your life indescribably! You could have made completely different decisions, been taken down roads that might have led away from meeting your husband, or at least, meeting him in the right circumstances that led to your marriage and then children.
You can’t live with regrets. Choices are made, and then we live with the consequences. You didn’t write then: so what? You may not get another offer to write for a newspaper: so what? Maybe you’ll get to write something much more profound online, in a book, magazine, or just in a whole new direction that you couldn’t have gone had you taken that early position so long ago.
Give yourself a pat on the back for making good decisions for yourself. If you couldn’t live off of that salary, then it was a BAD position.
November 21, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Tiffany
Ahh the shoulda, coulda, woulda. I have a teaching degree but I live in a very small town. At the time I was in college I was also very in love with my boyfried, then finenance (I know I misspelled that) and now husband. I should have done my student teaching in Denver but I wanted to stay close to my finance so I ended up in Montrose student teaching - which meant I was living there during the week but since it was only 1 1/2 hours away I could come home on the weekends. Then we got married and bought a house in Gunnison. There was no way for a first year social studies teacher to get a teaching job in a small town. They only hire first years in the high demand positions (math and science). I could have worked as a substitute and teachers aid for a few years until a social studies job opened up but at $9 an hour I had bills to pay and that would not do it. I eventually had a little girl and I was able to get a job as a loan processor at the same pay as a first year teacher. With that job came flexiblibty that a new mom needs, same pay, better health insurance, and much less stress. Now I am a legal secretary and I make more than I would make as a teacher. I have givin up on teaching - I still love the kids but I hate the parents!
Then I really start to think if I had gone to school to be a nurse (that is my dream right now - go back to school and get my nursing degree.)
November 21, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Laura
You did what you felt was right for your situation. I feel it’s always more constructive to look forward than backwards.
Have you tried approaching some of your local newspapers to let them know that you do freelance writing? You might not get a staff position, but you might get published.
November 21, 2007 at 5:53 pm
Megan
I think we all have those fork-in-the-road moments in life. It’s hard not to regret the path not taken, but as others have said - you did what you had to do at the time. The path you are choosing to take up at this point is going to lead to great things for you - I just know it!
November 21, 2007 at 10:04 pm
kristi
I think it’s normal to think with a certain degree of longing about choices we made (or didn’t make) in our pasts. In retrospect, it’s easy to think that our lives would be better if we made certain decisions, but I also think that spending too much time on regrets can be unproductive.
Think of what you’ve accomplished in your life so far, the many areas in which you are so talented, and what you have yet to accomplish. It’s the future you can change, not the past.
November 23, 2007 at 11:12 am
Ann Fox
Hey Melissa,
Hello from Newman. . . it is clear that you are a good writer! Perhaps some managing editor will read this and it will happen again! Believe! Thanks for sharing.