While toddler tantrums may be inevitable, there are a few things that you, the ever-astute parent, can do to prevent one from getting out of control. Chances are that your toddler will already be in the early “wind-up” stages of the tantrum before you even recognize it, so you’ll have to act quickly to diffuse the situation.

Feed her. My children graze, and while the practice of leaving a small dish of food and a cup of liquid on the table at all times isn’t palatable to every family, it works for mine. Yes, we do sit down for family meals; however, I have found that a constant source of nourishment, whether it be in the form of peanut butter smeared on crackers or simply a handful of raisins, makes for a happy child. My father lived by a strict meal schedule and, transitioning from a home in which food was readily available to a home in which I was afraid to ask for something to eat, made for a constantly-hungry kid. I would sneak off to my neighbor’s house, and we would raid her kitchen of Spam and Oreo cookies. Ugh. We were eight, though, and lacking in any type of culinary skill. 

But imagine if your toddler felt ravenous for most of the day? Speaking from personal experience, I can get a little whacked out and *mean* when I am hungry. It’s best to keep the blood sugar on an even level all day, as far as I’m concerned. Aside from keeping a small dish of non-perishable snacks on the table, I offer my toddler an alternative snack every 1.5 to 2 hours. This type of small meal usually consists of a bowl of instant oatmeal, a container of yogurt, cheese cubes, applesauce, cold cereal - something that is relatively healthy and easy to prepare.

Give her time to relax. I’m going to risk landing in hot water with over-zealous parents, but I can’t stand over-scheduling kids. I once had a friend who had her two children on such a tight extracurricular schedule that the poor kids couldn’t breathe. I used to wonder if she scheduled so many activities because she, herself, was bored. In my opinion, toddlers don’t need to have their play structured. Free time is called that for a reason; it should be unstructured. Outside of attending preschool a few times a week, which is enough structure for a tiny tot, why not just let them run around in the backyard, play in the sandbox, or make mud pies? Do three-year-old toddlers really need to learn the violin (my husband was one of those Suzuki kids, and he doesn’t have fond memories of afternoons spent in a chair with a tiny violin propped underneath his chin).

When Hannah was not much older than Bridget, I enrolled her in a tap/ballet class and was appalled at the formality of it. Hannah spent each class in the corner, spinning in circles, so we promptly left and never returned. Jacob had a similar experience a few years ago when he took a gymnastics class. I understand the need for structure in order to prevent injury, but these toddlers were forced to sit on the “white line” like little robots and wait their turn to bounce once on the trampoline. For $100 per session, I decided I’d buy my own trampoline and have some real fun with my son.

“Relaxing” also means giving your toddler the opportunity to be completely lazy. I go crazy if I can’t unwind by the television each night. I’m not one of those people who can fall asleep with a book; I require a total mind-numbing experience. Therefore, I am never going to be one of those parents who bans the television, even if watching tv is not recommended for children under two. Honestly, I don’t see the harm in playing a 30-minute video for your toddler each day. I need it for my own sanity just as much as Bridget needs it for a little pacification. *my opinion only*

Distract her. Whenever Bridget starts to have a meltdown and it doesn’t appear that a snack or quiet moment will work, I’ll do anything and everything to convince her that she’s, indeed, a very happy girl and we’re having loads of fun. Usually this means me blasting the radio and dancing like a fool, performing acrobatics, or singing a horribly out-of-tune song. Other times “distraction” means suggesting a favorite activity, such as finger paints or clay.

Love her. Sometimes your toddler just needs and extra cuddle and some undivided attention to help her feel better. Grab a book and have a quiet moment. Go on a little outside adventure. Have a big tickle session. Let your toddler know that you value her and your time together.

Let her be. If you’ve done everything you can think of to prevent a toddler tantrum and it looks as if nothing will work, then just let her be. Let her scream, cry, and stomp her feet. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your toddler expressing her anger, frustration, or sadness, so give her permission and a little bit of room to do so. Do not become upset with her for acting out. Empathize. Validate her feelings, and then be available to hold her close when she is finished.

Come back next week when we talk about . . . . dun dun DUN . . . . the dreaded PUBLIC tantrum! Oh yes. It will happen to you, too. MWA HA HA HA!