Hey Mom, said Jacob. You want to know what’s in China that’s really great?

I could see where this was leading. Sure, Buddy. What great thing is in China?

The Great Wall of China!

How do you know about the Great Wall of China?

I make it all the time in the block corner at school.

But who told you about the Great Wall of China?

No one. I told myself. (duh) 

My husband and I attended the Kindergarten parent/teacher conference this past week for Jacob. Is it just me, or do you feel a certain amount of angst going into those meetings, like you are the one being evaluated? We were pleased to learn that Jacob has exceeded academic expectation and is now testing at a first-grade level. While this makes me extremely happy and proud, I feel elated only because I once questioned his ability to learn in a structured environment. We’ve always known Jacob is a smart fellow, but we wondered if any teacher would be able to deal with his special qualities. **Disclaimer: There is ongoing debate and evaluations to determine if Jacob falls on the autism spectrum, namely Asperger’s Syndrome, and the extent of his sensory issues.**

Our journey to find out what is “wrong” with Jacob began when he was not quite two. I’m not one to blame vaccines for Jacob’s issues, but I saw a remarkable change in his behavior a few days after his 15-month immunizations. I’ve never voiced this to anyone, namely because I don’t want to be one of those parents. Ultimately, I believe that vaccinations are good.

 Over the years, we’ve been shuffled between various medical professionals and specialists to help classify and treat Jacob accordingly. The only problem is, Jacob doesn’t fit neatly into any one category, which only makes diagnosing him all the more difficult. The only reason why I want a formal diagnoses at all is that receiving any sort of treatment is easier when there is a concrete diagnoses. If you don’t have a diagnoses, then every specialist with whom you meet wants to perform his or her own tests to determine what might be wrong. In other words, these specialists spend so much time filling out paperwork and scheduling appointments to confer with each other about the proper course of action,  nothing ever moves forward.

Nothing.Gets.Done.

Jacob was first evaluated through the school district when he was still in preschool. Those evaluations prompted meetings with a child psychologist which lead to meetings with a family therapist which took us back to the pediatrician.

He’s not eating at school. He’s having problems with fine-motor skills.

My pediatrician suggested contacting the Chair of the Special Education Department to request a meeting to discuss the possibility of going through another series of evaluations. I contacted the appropriate person in September 2007. In January 2008, we finally got our meeting.

Prior to that meeting, two specialists had been pulling Jacob from class to test and observe him. They determined that there was need for additional, more in-depth testing and assured me they would get started right away.

You should be stunned, as was I, to learn that on March 7, 2008, six months after my initial inquiry to the Chair of the Special Education Department, nothing has been accomplished. Why? They filled out the wrong paperwork.

They filled out the wrong fucking paperwork, and now everything has stalled while we wait for the school to get its head out of its ass and do something already. Can you tell I’m angry?

I learned of this from Jacob’s teacher, who was reluctant to tell me at all. He knew how I’d react. In all respects, I am a quiet person. But like any parent, mothers especially, I can become testy where my child’s best interests are concerned.

I am livid. I am seething with anger.

And what’s more, these evaluations do not ensure that Jacob will receive any aid at all. After the evaluations are complete, the Board of Special Education will meet to deliberate if Jacob might benefit from in-school assistance. It’s all up to them, regardless of how I feel or what I think.

And now? Jacob’s been picking on his classmates. Nice, huh? It’s nothing malicious, mind you; he just likes to test his limits. He’s never bad or mean; he just likes to burp in your ear continuously or pick at your shirt or swipe your crayons when you’re not looking or kick you under the desk. All this just to get a rise.

He wasn’t doing this at the beginning of the year. Personally, I think he is bored. Suffice it to say, he now has a behavior chart in class. Ever the perfectionist, Jacob takes his chart seriously. His teacher called the other day to talk about the positive changes he’s seen in Jacob’s behavior. He’s now working out his problems instead of resolving to tears or tantrums. He’s learning to share instead of swipe items with complete disregard to other kids’ feelings.

But seriously, that’s only a small consolation for how inept these so-called professionals, the people in whom I entrust my son’s education, really are.

All I can ask is, Seriously. WTF?