Thanks to everyone who commented yesterday with words of sympathy and understanding. There are moments when our capacity to parent well is stretched, when we want to hide under a rock or use that rock to break someone’s window just to relieve the frustration. My Hannah is hurt and confused. Her friend is hurt and confused. The “bully” is also hurt and confused.
I am thankful I have the ability to look beyond my own daughter’s immediate physical and emotional needs and realize that, as much as she needs help getting through this difficult situation, there are two other families dealing with the same problem. There is an angry little girl who, for some reason, thinks forcing someone to be your friend by lying and manipulation is okay. I thought my daughter was friends with the “bully” because they truly liked each other; in fact, I’m positive my daughter liked her at one point, and I believe she is mourning that friendship to a certain extent. But it’s come to my attention that Hannah has been scared of this girl for awhile, perhaps not in a physical way, but scared that this girl will spread nastiness through hurtful rumors and untrue words.
Resolution is a slow process. I’m the common link between the other two mothers involved. They don’t know each other, but they both know me. In other words, I feel responsible to “break the ice” and facilitate the healing process. I sent an email to both mothers last night and encouraged the use of the “reply all” button. While not the preferred method of communication, there is a convenience and safeness to email. Unlike a telephone call or an in-person meeting, you can edit an email. The barrier has been breached, with the mother of the other bullied child speaking out to the one whose child is doing the bullying. Nothing more has happened, as of yet. Or perhaps they are speaking with each other privately.
All I know is, I feel so emotionally and mentally drained right now. And sad. I’ve had a pounding headache since Tuesday, and I’m having a difficult time concentrating on my work. Who wants to write about home hair removal methods when there are far more important things about which to worry?
deep breath
My good friend Sandy contacted me and said what a wonderful opportunity has presented itself for me to begin my own Balcony Girls group. Wonderful indeed! If you don’t know anything about Balcony Girls, please visit Sandy’s blog for more information. I’ve been giving the idea a lot of thought.
Well, the silver lining in all this is that I have a wonderful idea for an article. Inspiration comes in many forms, and sometimes it hits you right over the head.
And on an unrelated note, I received a phone call yesterday from the school. We have a meeting with the AIS (Academic Intervention Specialists) on April 3rd. Hopefully they’re done hemming and hawing about which papers need filling out and are ready to get on with Jacob’s evaluations. It’s been six long months . . .

10 comments
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March 28, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Debi
(((HUGS))) Good luck with it all! Sounds like you’ve really been handling the “bullying” situation well…and hopefully the next few weeks and months will bring healing.
Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed that all goes well on April 3rd! Would be so wonderful to hear some good news on that front! Lord knows you’ve all waited faaaaaar too long already for a break.
March 28, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Sonya
Take it easy!
Good Luck with Hannah and the meeting on April 3rd. I have a “turning 5″ meeting coming up for my little one. We need to get him into a CTT program. Fingers crossed!
xoxo
Sonya
March 28, 2008 at 2:59 pm
kristi
I’ll bet you’ve never been so glad to see Friday come, huh? Take a deep breath (or many) and rest assured you’ve done all you can to help Hannah.
March 28, 2008 at 4:53 pm
April
I for one really appreciate you writing about this experience, and hope that an article does come out of it. We need to think about these things, and listening to other people’s stories, other people’s methodologies, has been eye opening (to say the least) and given me much to ponder. It’s a topic that, unfortunately, will be relevant to more of us than not, I think, so thanks for putting it out there.
I know that doesn’t do much to make Hannah feel better, but maybe just knowing she’s not the first might help take the sting out a little. I think it’s great, too, that you’re taking into consideration how painful it must be to lose her friend, too. My guess is, that probably hurts more than antyhing for her. It’s tough when we learn that no one is ‘all good’ or ‘all bad.’
March 28, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Debbie Yost
I’m glad you are feeling a little better. Now that you mention it, when MA was being bullied in 3rd grade the girl doing the bullying was having some problems. I’m not sure what, none of my business, but in the end, they worked through the problems and are now friends. Not the best of friends, but friends. The little girl actually doesn’t have a lot of friends, so having MA for a friend has been good for her.
March 28, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Summer
At least it’s the weekend now. I hope things can be repaired. Bullying can be so overwhelming, I don’t know what I would do in your shoes.
March 28, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Mary
Sending lots of hugs!
March 29, 2008 at 12:15 am
Holding It Together
I just read your post from yesterday and today, and my heart goes out to you and Hannah and everyone else involved in this situation. I have no advice, just lots of support and encouragement.
(One other note on Jacob - I would highly recommend taking someone with you to the meeting, an advocate if you can find one this quickly, or another special-needs parent who has been through this, or even just a friend to take notes and ask any questions you forget. It is easy to walk out of a meeting and feel like you were blindsided from 10 different directions and aren’t sure what they said and what they may have just implied. You do have the right to bring along anyone you want, although it is good practice to let them know ahead of time.)
March 29, 2008 at 1:32 am
Corey
I am so sorry that I am just coming in on this now.
so much love and hugs for you. I ‘m so glad you know about it now….you can’t do anything about not knowing before, but you surely can be glad that it will not be happening anymore.
hugs.
March 31, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Lisa K
Yikes, wish I had a sound set of advice for this but we are still dealing with the former neighbors after 3 years. Now the boy is being home schooled so at least I don’t have to worry about the bus rides anymore. Of course he doesn’t have normal humans for parents, they pretty much are as bad as he is so there was no real surprise about his behavior.
DSs teacher did say that the end of 2nd and beginning of 3rd is where this stuff starts to happen.
(((Hugs))) for you both!