No, I haven’t done anything wrong, not unless you count eating an entire plateful of prepared-to-perfection tenderloin topped with sauteed onions accompanied by a side dish of steaming buttered sweet potato, chased down with marbled cheesecake a little too late in the evening as wrong. (my husband made dinner for Mother’s Day)

I have a confession to make: my husband and I still watch Desperate Housewives.

I know! I know! You’re all groaning and rolling your eyes. It’s slightly cheesy and over-the-top, but I have to admit I am hooked. My husband thinks I’m most like Neurotic Bree. Really? Have you seen my house lately? My sister, on the other hand, is a bit more honest. She says Lynette reminds her a lot of me. In season one. You know, when she is most frazzled and resorts to choking down a few Ritalin just to keep up with her mangy brood. Well then. Honestly? I feel more like Susan on most days, the one with good intentions but who is too often clutzy and misunderstood. She just can’t seem to get it right. I’m not saying our parenting styles are similar at all, but there is something about Susan with which I identify.

But getting back to Lynette. For those of you who don’t know, Lynette’s husband fathered a child (unbeknowst to him) with another woman before he and Lynette ever met. Years later, the other woman shows up with her daughter and, in true Desperate Housewives fashion, gets killed off the show.

In between those two episodes are many episodes in which the family struggles with the news and how to deal with these two “outsiders.” Lynette’s husband understandably welcomes his tween daughter Kayla into his life, but Lynette, understandably, has a difficult time accepting the awkward situation.

Like I said, however, Kayla’s mother gets herself killed off the show; therefore, Kayla moves in with Lynette and her family fulltime. Suddenly, Lynette has a new daughter. And they don’t really like each other.

I don’t like Kayla. She is an eleven-year-old witch. But I can forgive her somewhat, because her mother is dead, she’s now living with a father who hasn’t been a part of most of her life, and she has a step-mother and four other siblings in her space, as well.

But Kayla does cruel things, like convince the twins to set fire to a new restaurant and jump from the roof of their house. Lynette complains to her husband, but, like the dolt that he usually is, places the blame on Lynette and continues to believe everything is fine and dandy. Meanwhile, the viewer is left with shots of Kayla smirking mischievously or lurking about, overhearing juicy tidbits to which no kid should be privy.

Kayla is a player. She knows how to manipulate everyone around her to get exactly what she wants.

Long story short, the therapist the family begins seeing suggests perhaps Lynette doesn’t love Kayla and that they should start spending quality time together. To Kayla, quality time means shopping with Lynette and guilting her into buying expensive clothes for her.

And then there’s this scene, which I just can’t seem to get out of my head:

Kayla demands a corndog. Lynette says no. Kayla demands a corndog. Lynette says, no it’s too close to dinnertime, but I’ll get you a healthy snack you can eat in the car. Kayla demands a corndog, and if you don’t get me one, you’ll be sorry (or something like that). Lynette (shocked) asks Kayla if she’s threatening her. Kayla retorts, I got the twins to set a fire and jump off the roof, I wonder what I could get Penny to do? *Penny is Lynette’s four-year-old daughter.*

Lynette slaps Kayla across the face. Everyone in the department store watches, horrified over what just happened. Lynette apologizes but tells Kayla she should never have said such a horrible thing.

But you know what the really horrible thing was? In the split-second before Lynette slapped Kayla, I thought to myself, Oh I would slap her silly!

I can understand Lynette’s rage, Kayla threatening her young sister in such a malicious and intentional way. I imagine an eleven-year-old girl trying to convince Bridget to do something dangerous, and my mama bear claws comes out. My first instinct is to protect my child and eliminate the threat.

And holy heck, does this scare me!

Identifying and empathizing and justifying Lynette slapping Kayla totally goes against how I parent. It goes against my intentions for establishing Root & Sprout. I’m all about gentle parenting. So why, then, was my own gut reaction to slap that child across the face?

Anyway, in one of the closing scenes, you hear Kayla on the phone with the therapist saying that Lynette slapped her, it wasn’t the first time (yes, it was), and that she is really scared. You can imagine what will happen to Lynette in the next episode.

 Read some interesting commentary about Lynette and Kayla.