Lis Garrett

You know it’s been way too long since you’ve worn a dress if your husband walks in the room and asks, “What’s the special occasion?” Plenty of women wear dresses for no reason at all, especially if the day is hot and humid. A few months ago, I made a promise to Hannah that I would step outside my comfort zone and wear something other than khaki capris and solid-colored t-shirts during the summer. I don’t care much for fashion. I have no patience for so-called “celebrity styles,” and I don’t appreciate the media telling me what clothes I should wear if I want to look hot or successful. The truth is, though, there’s comes a time when one needs to spice up her wardrobe, even if it means adding a dress and a few skirts to an otherwise boring repetoire.

So the other day, when it was hotter than Hades outside, I slipped on the dress I had purchased at Target for $19.99. *I refuse to spend a lot of money on clothes, not when I have three children constantly covered in some type or other of goo.* Would you believe I let Bridget pick out the dress for me? It’s a little plaid number, but I couldn’t decide between the one in shades of brown or shades of blue. She chose blue. It’s a mid-calf length dress made of airy cotton with capped sleeves and a smocked bodice. Ian appreciates the dress because (too much info alert!) it evidently makes my size A boobs look bigger. I’ll take all the help I can get, I suppose.

As I wore the dress, however, I remembered exactly the reason why I don’t like to wear dresses (and skirts). It’s not that I don’t like to look girly; I do. But they make me feel so . . . exposed. I was constantly smoothing down the back of the dress to make sure it hadn’t become tucked in my panties. Remember that scene in The Parent Trap when the one twin cuts the back out of the other twin’s dress, and then she proceeds to walk away, flashing her tush to everyone at the dance? That’s how I felt all day long. And if a breeze blew, my hands instinctively flew to my sides to keep the dress from billowing up. 

I was paranoid, I tell ya! 

The funny thing is, I’ve certainly been seen in public wearing less (my swimsuit). Heck, I’ve even been skinny dipping a time or two. It’s not like I’m a prude, but there’s something about being caught unawares. Why is having your dress blow up for a brief moment more humiliating than walking around in your swimsuit with all your bumps and bulges hanging out?

Speaking of bumps and bulges. At the end of the evening, I was sitting with Jacob in the rocking chair watching Bear Grylls (my new crush! shh . . . don’t tell my husband!), when Jacob put his hand on my tummy and asked, “Do you have a baby in there?” I was mortified! For those of you who don’t know what I look like, I am 5′4 and weigh (maybe) 115 pounds. For having had three kids, I think I look pretty darn good. However, as with any woman who has housed a kid for two years and three months of her life, I have a slight bump that, I suppose you might say, is my badge of honor. GAG! “badge of honor” just sounds so much better than saying “fat roll.” No matter how much weight I lose, crunches I do, or fat-burning yoga I practice, I will probably always have that little buldge.

And, apparently, when I wear that dress, I look like I have a baby in my tummy.

Rather than explain all that to Jacob, I said, “Sometimes mommies who eat too many cookies get a big tummy.” Which is true. My bulge may not at all be linked to the number of children I’ve birthed but directly related, instead, to the number of cookies I consume.

Although, thanks to our recent no-treats-in-the-house policy, I suppose we’ll discover the true culprit soon enough.

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There are just EIGHT DAYS remaining until June 17th. And you remember what June 17th is, right? It is the submission deadline for articles to appear in the July 2008 edition of Root & Sprout. There are 27 articles appearing in the June 2008 edition, and I would like to have 30 articles for July. I know you all have it in you!! So far, I have only SIX articles. (thanks to those who’ve submitted!) Come on! You can’t fizzle out on me now!!

Writing an article for Root & Sprout is NOT difficult, nor is it time consuming; it’s not something you need to spend an entire day doing. If you have the time and talent to write a blog post, you certainly have what it takes to write an article. And it’s OKAY to recycle an article already on your blog. If you’ve written a brilliant post and want to share it on Root & Sprout, all I ask is that you either remove it from your site or, if you don’t want to remove it, rewrite it with a fresh, new perspective. I don’t mind leftovers, so long as you spice them up a bit!

Take a little time to become familiar with the types of articles already on the site. Likewise, visit the archives. Then if you think you have what it takes (I know you do!!), read through the submission guidelines. Don’t you want a shot at winning one of the two $25 prizes (made payable as a PayPal payment or gift card to Barnes & Noble or Borders)? Remember EACH article you submit is equal to ONE eligible entry. There is currently NO limit to the number of articles you submit. 

Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for??

Subscribe to the Root & Sprout newsletter: newsletter@rootandsprout.com.

IT’S HOT!!!

There seems to be no pleasing me. Apparently my skin is just too thin and sensitive to tolerate temps over 80 degrees. Perhaps my six years of living in New York has spoiled all ability to suffer through those steamy southern summers from my youth. Oh, but yesterday found me sweltering in a 90+ degree heat day that dripped with excess humidity. Hanging clothes on the line consumed every last ounce of energy in my body and left my skin wet and sticky (and yes, clothes on the line DO dry despite the humidity). I will be the first to admit there is nothing even remotely attractive about me on a hot and humid day. I require a delicate balance of weather patterns; Lis Garrett functions best at sunny and 75. In other words, please do not show up at my house unannounced unless you are prepared to be absolutely terrorized by my physical state.

I received a call from the school nurse yesterday morning at 9:30. I screen all my calls (I *heart* caller ID), and in my experience, the news is never good when you see your district name flash on the screen. At first, I was convinced it was the OT calling to apologize for not having apologized (in my dreams, right?). Considering I had sent two happy and healthy kids to school, the thought didn’t even cross my mind that one of them might be ill.

It was Hannah, poor Hannah. She had developed a migraine and had to miss her field trip to the Johnson Museum of Art on Cornell’s campus. As an aspiring artist, Hannah was absolutely bummed for having been left behind. “My vision went all fuzzy,” she said. “And I felt sick to my stomach.” As someone well-versed in the vomit-inducing pains of migraines (thank you pregnancy hormones and college chemistry finals), I could empathize. A cool bath, a big glass of iced water, and a dose of Motrin later, Hannah was feeling much better.  Might I add that Hannah does NOT tolerate heat well? She begins complaining that “it’s too hot” when it’s but 65 degrees outside.

Anyway, that was my long-winded way of saying it’s hot. And we might reach 100 on Monday. BLAH. I’m thankful for the AC window unit we have in our main living area (we don’t have central air). It took me going into labor with Bridget at 35 weeks (when it was 85 degrees in our house and I was miserable and crying and living under a cold shower), for the midwife to say, “Enough is enough. Splurge on an AC unit.” That was money well spent.

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So if you’ve managed to read through that bit of nonsense, I have another thing to say: There are just TEN DAYS remaining until June 17th. And you remember what June 17th is, right? It is the submission deadline for articles to appear in the July 2008 edition of Root & Sprout. There are 27 articles appearing in the June 2008 edition, and I would like to have 30 articles for July. I know you all have it in you!! So far, I have only SIX articles. (thanks to those who’ve submitted!) Come on! You can’t fizzle out on me now!!

Writing an article for Root & Sprout is NOT difficult, nor is it time consuming; it’s not something you need to spend an entire day doing. If you have the time and talent to write a blog post, you certainly have what it takes to write an article. Wanna know a secret? I often spend MORE time writing a blog post than I do my articles for Root & Sprout!! And it’s OKAY to recycle an article already on your blog. If you’ve written a brilliant post and want to share it on Root & Sprout, all I ask is that you either remove it from your site or, if you don’t want to remove it, rewrite it with a fresh, new perspective. I don’t mind leftovers, so long as you spice them up a bit!

Take a little time to become familiar with the types of articles already on the site. Likewise, visit the archives. Then if you think you have what it takes (I know you do!!), read through the submission guidelines. Don’t you want a shot at winning one of the two $25 prizes (made payable as a PayPal payment or gift card to Barnes & Noble or Borders)? Remember EACH article you submit is equal to ONE eligible entry. There is currently NO limit to the number of articles you submit. 

Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for??

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My husband has requested updated photos of our children for Father’s Day to place in his office. This is embarrassing to admit, but his co-workers not well-aquainted with our kids must believe Hannah (almost NINE!!!!) is in a perpetual state of infancy AND that she is an only child. There is almost no photographic evidence of either Jacob or Bridget (or me, for that matter!). So while my husband is off working reunion at the university, I have the pleasure of attempting to pretty my children and get them to sit (together) and smile (at the same time) for more than two seconds.

Let’s take a moment to pray.

And then we get to attempt a craft project for Root & Sprout that involves flour, water, and strips of newspaper (can you guess what it is?).

Needless to say, I’ll be popping a few Tylenol this AM as preventative medicine.

I thought I had a sweet tooth, but there’s none to rival Bridget’s mouthful of sweet-seeking teeth. My daughter is like a crack addict; she’s gotta have her sugar fix or she morphs into a monster akin to The Incredible Hulk. It’s gotten to be so bad, we can no longer keep treats of any kind in the house. This kid’s got a one-track mind for sure, and if there’s a speck of sugar anywhere, she’ll find it. Old M&M’s buried under couch cushions are her particular favorites, followed by ABC gum on the basement floor (thanks a lot Hannah).

My husband recently purchased a fundraiser chocolate bar for each of us. We were all content to eat half the bar one day and save the rest for the next. Bridget, on the other hand, couldn’t stand to wait. We didn’t give in to her demands of chocolate at 9 PM, but you’d better believe she screamed and cried for her remaining half for almost two hours NON STOP. She fell asleep for thirty minutes, but got up from her bed with one thing on her mind (that was a LONG night). You could practically see her skin twitching for a fix! I understand how she felt; I get that way when I need a diet Coke (my vice). 

So the kids and I were in the garden yesterday afternoon when Bridget announced she’d “be right back.” I watched her rush into the house thinking all along that whatever she was about to do could only mean one thing: trouble. I waited a few minutes to see if she would return. When she didn’t, I set off to find her.

Her addiction is so bad, folks, I found her on the kitchen counter eating white sugar from the 5 lb sugar bag (that was on the second shelf in the cabinet). I caught her just as she was spooning a mound of sugar into her mouth. Honestly, I didn’t know whether to laugh or feel sorry fo her. She looked at me and said, ”I need a treat, mom.” My almost three year old is an addict.

“How about we share an orange?” I offered. Luckily, oranges are sweet enough that she considers them a treat. Bullet dodged.

My kids do not understand moderation. They will eat treats until they are sick, which is what my husband once did when he was little. Unlike my husband who learned his lesson, though, my kids would rather gorge themselves and face the unpleasant consequences than savor a sweet.

They’re candy whores through and through. I mean, we all know that kids like candy. But mine really take the cake. It’s disturbing.

So not only am I trying to wean a kid from the boob, I’m trying to wean her from sugar, as well.

Wish me luck.

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In answer to a few comments from yesterday’s post. We have had Jacob evaluated by a third party. About a year ago, we took our son to a private pediatric psychologist who, through a series of evaluations and observations, thought Jacob exhibited some autistic-like behaviors. She made no clinical diagnoses, however, because Jacob fit into so many different categories. He was not conclusively Asperger’s. He was not conclusively SPD. She didn’t feel he was ADHD, although she suggested medicating (which we did, although I quickly terminated the treatment when Jacob begged me NOT to give him the pills). We’ve seen so many different people, it’s ridiculous. And . . . the school district doesn’t care what anyone else has to say anyway.

At this point, we are going to accept what the school has to offer. I’m going to make an appt to meet with the family therapist once we return from vacation. With the end of school on the horizon, I have to make sure to have a structured summer schedule put into place. Also, I’m going to sit Hannah down and have a LONG talk with her about how I expect her to behave around Jacob. I hate to say it, but she’s a big part of the problem. She doesn’t always like Jacob (which is normal for siblings, I think) but she has the ability to elicit some very volatile reactions from him, which makes my nerves shot by the end of the day. It’s difficult for her to be patient with him. Needless to say, summer is a HARD time for us around here. Jacob has expressed an interest in resuming swimming lessons, so I’ll look into that once we return. (he has no interest in martial arts, which, I’ve heard from several people and publications, can be theraputic for a kid like Jacob)

I’m going to send an honest and respectful letter to all the parties involved expressing my disappointment for how Jacob’s case was handled. The OT’s response (or lack thereof) continues to upset me. His teacher, on the other hand, has been nothing but fantastic.

Jacob received an invitation to a birthday party yesterday. You can’t even imagine how thrilled he is (which makes me very happy).

My husband and I met with the Academic Intervention Specialist, occupational therapist, school psychologist, the classroom teacher, a reading and speech specialist (not sure why she was there), and a special ed teacher (not sure why she was there) today to discuss what will happen with Jacob when he enters first grade.

First of all, the occupational therapist made no apology for having missed our appointment on Monday nor having called to inform me she wouldn’t be there. I was rather curt to her as a consequence, which wasn’t professional of me. But I think after nine months of being strung along, I think it was well-deserved. My husband said afterword he thinks she was rather nervous in general (I think she’s new). The OT explained her observations, citing that even though Jacob has some definite sensory issues, they are not so bad as to warrant special ed services.

What the frick ever.

According to just one aspect of her report, Jacob spent an entire circle time with his hands coverering his ears and basically doing his own thing as the other children all listened obediently to music on a record player, but because he happened to answer a few follow-up questions correctly, she doesn’t feel he needs OT services while in school. (heavy on the sarcasm) She doesn’t feel his sensory issues really interfere with how he copes while in the classroom.

Honestly, I think the fact that Jacob is a highly intelligent little guy fools a lot of people. But I suppose she’s the OT. And I am just his mother. (gag)

She gave me some crap about having a structured schedule at home and using an electric toothbrush to help with his sensory issues. (YES! THAT was her answer) I think I looked at her cross-eyed and mumbled something about how we’ve always had a schedule* and he’s always used an electric toothbrush. I guess my son is special, because neither has helped him much. *By default, Jacob has pretty much set his own schedule of what works for him each day. Kinda like someone with OCD, Jacob has to do the same thing in the same order each and every day or he just falls to pieces. For instance, if I dare ask him to put on his clothes before brushing his teeth, I spend the next half hour picking him off the floor (literally) due to the meltdown I’ve inadvertantly caused. I’ve learned it’s wake up, breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed (but no socks), make bed, put on socks, put on shoes. And peppered throughout his morning routine are the ten times he has to try and go to the bathroom. (think I’m kidding??)

Seriously. Seriously? Honestly. The OT was speaking to me as if I had never thought of creating a schedule on my own accord or purchasing an electric toothbrush, as if I hadn’t spent the last 5+ GD years trying to find something anything that works!!

I think I pissed her off when I interjected my opinion before she was done speaking (how rude of me for interrupting), because she rolled her eyes (Yes! I saw it!) and said, “Well that’s where I refer you to the school psychologist.” 

Of course. So we’ve come full circle now. Right back where we were almost two years ago. Same psychologist.

She wanted to know if Jacob ever has playdates.

I could see where this was going before we even got there.

Rarely, I said.

Because, you know, she said, for a child like Jacob, playdates are essential.

At this point, I was gritting my teeth. Suddenly, I felt like Jacob’s behavioral issues were all MY fault because I wasn’t scheduling regular playdates. But here’s the thing. I don’t like Jacob going over to other kids’ houses. The last time he did that, he got sent home because he hit his friend. It doesn’t matter that the kid was antagonizing Jacob, he felt overwhelmed, and he was hungry. The mom saw Jacob hit her kid (and by her own admonition, it was not a hard hit). She has a zero tolerance policy, so she delivered Jacob back to my doorstep in a mess of tears. Thanks for understanding. Beyotch. 

I related that story and added something along the lines of, While it’s no excuse, having one of Jacob’s classmates over is difficult on me. Hannah is not really a problem. But I do have a VERY precocious toddler with whom to contend. Add to the mix my son and another high-energy boy, and I am putting out fires before they even begin. 

Like I said, it’s no excuse. Rather, it’s a poor excuse.

What about having a little girl over?

I almost couldn’t stifle my laughter. No mother of a little girl, I said, wants her daughter to play with my son at my house, nor does she want my son over at her house.

Whatever.

What we agreed upon is this: Jacob will be involved in a once-a-week, teacher-supervised playgroup with two other children. This will last for ten weeks starting next school year. We will also put a behavioral program in place with his new teacher. And we will begin seeing the family therapist again. I will schedule playdates during the weekend (during MY family time) for Jacob to meet with a friend for a scheduled activity for an hour at a time.

While I am thankful for what they have decided to do, the school psychologist wanted me to understand that this is not a special ed service; it is open to every child. What I want to know, then, is WHY WHY WHY this service WAS NOT OFFERED TO US IN THE BEGINNING OF THE SCHOOL YEAR???????!!!!!!!!!!!! If you don’t have to jump through hoops for your child to be involved in a teacher-supervised playgroup, then why did I just spend the last nine months practically tearing out my hair to get them to do ANYTHING??!!

YES! I AM YELLING!!!

Honestly, I feel like they are washing their hands of us. I feel like they’re essentially saying, “You just have to play with him more, and he’ll be okay. Just go see your family therapist again, and you’ll be okay.”

GAWD. Is this all in my head? Do I think my son has problems that he really doesn’t have? Is that why no one wants to really help us? Is he just a “normal” boy, and this is how “normal” boys behave??

Maybe he’ll just grow out of all of this  . . . mess?

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In more unbelievable news, Jacob lost ANOTHER tooth at school today. This makes one currently missing on the bottom and FOUR IN A ROW up top. And get this. Just as I was typing this post, Jacob came in from outside crying HYSTERICALLY while blood was pouring from his mouth. Hannah had accidentally kneed him in the tooth adjacent to the one he lost. OMG! I freaked. We can’t afford dentures, and there is NO sign of his other teeth coming in. I actually screamed at her, HE CAN’T AFFORD TO LOSE ANYMORE TEETH! HOW’S HE GOING TO EAT ANYTHING??, at which point she looked at me as if I were a lunatic. I think all the blood actually came from the socket where his missing tooth used to be. I’m gonna have to get that kid a helmet. Hannah has “accidentally” kicked him in the mouth on numerous occasions.

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And that’s all, folks!

Before I begin today’s post, I’d like to say THANK YOU  to all who’ve showed their support these last few days concerning Jacob and our troubles with the school district. While I would like to respond with a personal email to everyone who has either commented or sent a private message, I simply cannot. (at least not anytime soon) But I would like all of you to know that I’ve read and read again your supportive comments, and it brings me great joy to know I have such loyal friends with whom to commiserate. The virtual hugs are always welcome! I know I’ve said this before, but I’m convinced my little blog has the best bunch of readers in the blogosphere. I consider you my friends!

PS - I mistyped and wrote that my meeting at Jake’s school is today. Actually, it’s tomorrow (Thursday). My days are quite messed up, what with the meeting on Monday and working at the preschool yesterday. I’ve had NO time to work on writing and editing, and I’m a bit behind on everything. Please don’t even remind me that we leave for vacation in 26 days and have yet to really plan anything. EEKS! Anyway, I will let you know what happens at tomorrow’s meeting.

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Thank you, as well, to all who’ve read the June 2008 edition of Root & Sprout and left such WONDERFUL feedback!! It hardly feels real to me, and yet it is! If your computer was but a window into my office (read, my bedroom), you’d see me jumping around the room and clicking my heels together with happiness. And you know what’s really exciting?? People not even associated with this blog are emailing me and telling me what an awesome site is Root & Sprout. Now, you all have to say it because you’re my friends. And as much as I value your feedback and praise (I do! I do!), it’s exhilarating coming from a stranger. Know what I mean?

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If you’re wondering about Fagan’s monthly Very Sweet Bows Name That Bow contest, it is NOW over at Root & Sprout. Fagan continues to outdo herself each month. I *love* her bows!! And when Bridget decides to leave a bow in her hair for more than five minutes, you can bet I’ll be stocking up on lots of little hair pretties. Did I ever tell you about the time I fixed Bridget’s hair in a nice updo for church only to discover she had taken it down while in the car? Needless to say, she had quite a few bumps in her hair from where the bands had been previously. Not a nice look! If you would like a chance to win the new bow, click here to enter.

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If you haven’t already signed up for the Root & Sprout newsletter, do it today! You’re missing out if you don’t. The Root & Sprout newsletter is an extension of the site. Not only will you find reminders about deadlines, you’ll find articles and tips that will only be featured within the newsletter. AND, there are opportunities to win prizes! AND, when the time comes for me to begin accepting resumes (for those of you who’d like to have a paid writing gig), you can bet I’ll be soliciting subscribers first. I’ve said this before, but I have BIG ideas for Root & Sprout. Don’t you want to be a part of it? If you haven’t received a Root & Sprout newsletter since June 1st, that means you are NOT on the list. To subscribe, send an email to newsletter@rootandsprout.com with the word “subscribe” in the subject field. Those who enter by June 29th will be entered into a drawing to receive a Root & Sprout canvas tote bag. Hannah has swiped mine and is now using it for her school bag. Perhaps I should get her one of these for next year? Want to support Root & Sprout? Purchase your Root & Sprout merchandise today! Funds earned by Root & Sprout through the sale of merchandise and ad space is funneled back into the site. Although I’ve been tempted to pocket the revenue (and isn’t it tempting when gas is $4.15 a gallon?!), it’s ultimately going back to YOU. (and the IRS and the lawyers, blah blah blah)

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Speaking of deadlines, please submit your articles by JUNE 17th!! If you would like to write an article but are not sure how to proceed, please read the submission guidelines. And remember, every article you submit becomes an eligible entry for winning one of two $25 prizes made payable as a PayPal payment or gift card to Barnes & Noble or Borders. Thanks to everyone who has submited an article already!!

Now what are you waiting for?? Visit the links, and then GET TO WRITING!!

Before I had a son, I was a very judgemental mother. I wasn’t judgemental of just anybody, no. I was judgemental of those parents who had what I perceived as “bad” children. I’d elbow my husband and say, “Wow! Look at how badly that kid is behaving. I would never tolerate that sort of behavior from my child.”

Well, karma came back to bite me on the ass BIG time for all my holier-than-thou sneering with the birth of our son. I knew from the beginning something was off  with him. There have been plenty of times, in moments of frustration, that I have wondered what the hell I did wrong to deserve a child like Jacob. After all, if anyone warranted “bad” children, it was my older sister. I figured she would be the one to suffer payback for all the crap she put our mother through. Me? I was the model child. No, seriously. I’m sure my friend, Melissa, will vouch for me if she’s reading this. I was too scared to do anything even remotely against the rules.

I love Jacob fiercely, though. For all he challenges me as a parent, I love him 100 times that. Whenever I walk into his room in the morning to wake him for school, my heart leaps with joy. It may sound corny, but it’s true. I love sitting on the edge of his bed just watching him sleep; he’s at peace with himself. Each day is a fresh start.

I recently read a post in which the blog author spoke of a child Jacob’s age throwing woodchips at her toddler-aged daughter at the park. She wrote the following:

“It was all I could do not to grab the little sh#t and start pounding him. I might have felt differently if he were a toddler like my child, but he was just a hop, skip and a jump from juvenile hall.

In retrospect, I probably should have hit him. Someone clearly needed to.”

I am neither telling you the author’s name nor linking to her blog. The truth is, I enjoy reading this person’s blog, and I know quite a few of you would only be too happy to form a lynch party. Honestly, I am not faulting her gut reaction. I think any parent can empathize with her.

I left a comment on her post basically saying that, although I don’t know the particulars of the situation, perhaps the boy was just showing a moment of impulsivity. Children are a wildly impulsive lot. Heck, even teenagers (and some adults) show poor judgement! I mentioned that I could see Jacob doing something similar (although he is more apt to throw woodchips or sand at one of his sisters than a stranger, especially since he LOVES little kids).

Jacob’s biggest issue is that he does not understand human interaction as you or I might. Did I ever tell you about the time, about a month ago, I began choking? Jacob was badgering me and badgering me and badgering me (as he often does) for something (I can’t remember what). Anyway, I had a bite of food in my mouth and, about to respond in a rather flustered way, I inhaled the food and began choking (karma again). I have never been so scared in my life! I stood there, eyes watering, hands around my throat in true choking mode, obviously distressed. And do you know what Jacob did? He stood there looking at me and continued to repeatedly ask for whatever it is he was so intent on getting. Obviously, I’m still alive. I managed to dislodge the food, but boy did Jacob and I have one long talk after that.

On the other hand, there was a time I slipped on a log outside and twisted my ankle. Jacob, then three, ran inside and got me an ice pack out of the freezer without me even having to ask. You just never know how he will react to another person’s suffering. He could be totally oblivious when you really need him, or he could smother you with hugs and kisses when it’s really no big deal.

I don’t know if this particular blog author reads my blog, but I alluded to the fact that Jacob has behavioral “issues.” She responded by saying that if the boy at the park has behavioral issues of his own, he should not be allowed to play at the park. To be fair, the boy was in the toddler area. I wouldn’t have allowed Jacob in a “toddler only” area. But what if that boy has the mental capacity of a toddler? I speculate, of course, but you just never know.

I guess it makes me sad, because I don’t ever want anyone to think of Jacob as being a little shit or that he deserves to be hit. I know people have thought this about Jacob. People in my own extended family have thought it about Jacob. I’ve also been blamed for his behavior many, many times. But the thing is, you can’t really fault these people for thinking this way, because they just don’t understand how very difficult parenting a high-needs child can be. I am totally exhausted by the end of the night. I am mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. What’s more, I sometimes feel all alone in my efforts to parent Jacob, because even my own husband doesn’t truly understand him. I share this inexplicable bond with Jacob, and there are times when I feel it’s just the two  of us against the entire world.

But am I supposed to keep Jacob locked away for his entire life out of fear for what other might think of him? No. It’s not fair to Jacob. But like I told this person, Jacob doesn’t get a free pass in life just because he has behavioral and social issues. I’ve been there every step of the way trying to help him do the right thing. And yes, he does slip up. Sometimes keeping his hands to himself gets to be too much, and he pinches the child in front of him in line at school (referred to as sensory seeking). It’s not that he’s trying to be mean. Another time, Jacob got sent home an hour into a playdate because he hit his friend. What the mother neglected to tell me before I sent Jacob over to her house is that another little boy would be joining them, as well. Jacob does okay one on one, but not so well in a group (which is why part of the therapy we are seeking has to do with group play). Jacob wasn’t being bad, but he was overwhelmed. He was also very hungry, and the mother wouldn’t give him something to eat, even though Jacob told her he was hungry. Needless to say, he’s not been over there to play again. I was mortified, but I was also angry. I told her that Jacob has social and behavioral issues. I warned her what he might do, and she seemed okay with it. And when he did it, she punished him by sending Jacob home. And he was devastated. He came home crying, because he had NO idea what he had done wrong. 

I know I’m rambling, but I just wish people would show a little bit more compassion. I’m not saying that you can’t protect your children from harm, but don’t automatically assume that my child is bad. I debated about doing this, but I am sending a form letter to my extended family in Kansas to pre-introduce them to Jacob. Most of them have never met him, and I just want them to be prepared for how he might behave.

Blah.

To end on a positive note, I have a meeting tomorrow with the AIS, OT, school psychologist, and social worker to disucess treatment for next school year.

And everyone is supposed to be there.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted an update as to where we stand with Jacob receiving special services through the district to help manage his sensory issues while at school. How he behaves at home, while challenging at times, is really no longer the issue. We’ve established various plans of action to help us manage what others might consider abnormal behavior (which, to us, has become a normal way of life).

For six hours of each day, Jacob is out of my care. I trust the professionals at the elementary school to value my child (almost) as much as I do. And for the most part, I believe there are a select few who care deeply for Jacob. But when the system that oversees the management of children with special needs is so obviously flawed, when they don’t have enough time, money, or staff to appropriately handle each case, children and families suffer.

If you are new to this site, and to remind those who need reminding, I first contacted the Chair of the Committee for Special Education on September 11, 2007, a mere week into the new school year, requesting that Jacob receive an evaluation for Occupational Therapy. This was done per the request of both Jacob’s pediatrician and the family therapist we had been seeing us regarding what would later be revealed as Jacob’s sensory disorder. *There was previous speculation that Jacob might be on the autism spectrum, with specific concerns of Asperger’s Syndrome.* The reason why I contacted the Chair was because I had met with her the previous year, while Jacob was still in preschool. He had gone through a district evaluation at that point, and while they thought Jacob precocious and a little quirky, they denied the need for intervention. As a mother, I didn’t agree with their assessment at all. I took my concerns to a private pediatric psychologist who concluded that, yes, something indeed was “wrong” with Jacob.

I suppose part of the problem is that Jacob appears “normal.” He does nothing to put himself conclusively into any one category. He does not bang his head on walls, spin, or rock back and forth. He does not spout off odd tid bits of information. He is not belligerent or angry. Jacob, although he is very close to being on the autism spectrum, is not. He exhibits some autistic-like tendencies, but he is not autistic.

So, what do you do for a child like Jacob then? As far as the district is concerned, Jacob is not a problem. Their lack of funding and health professionals prohibit all but the worse of cases from receiving attention and intervention. But you know what? That’s not fair. As far as I’m concerned, my child is not going to be the one to suffer because the district is trying to save a few dollars. No child should be the one to suffer.

All year, I have been lobbying for a simple OT evaluation so that Jacob could receive help for his sensory issues. And all year long, it’s been nothing but paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork. And when the wrong paperwork was filed, we filled out even more paperwork. And then finally, FINALLY, it happened.

I received a call this past Friday from the AIS (Academic Intervention Specialist) who handles cases at a few of the district schools, including our elementary school. My husband and I have met with her several times this year and have made no bones about the fact that we are livid for this process having taken from September to June. Our kids will be out of school in a matter of weeks, for crying out loud! Anyway, she told me that the person who had completed Jacob’s OT eval. had filed the papers and that I would be receiving a copy in the mail within a matter of days.

Later that same day, I received a call from the lady who had completed the OT eval. She said there was no indication that Jacob needed any sort of intervention. I expressed my frustration with the process having taken so long and conceded that I thought Jacob’s fine motor skills were improving but that there were still other areas in need of improvement. She said that pulling Jacob out of class for services would be too much of an interruption. At the time I thought, what?, but, since I had a sick child hovering at my side, I told her that I would look forward to receiving the report and that I would see her at our scheduled meeting (for today).

She said, “Yes, I will see you Monday.”

On Saturday, I received the report. Jacob scored at 84% overall (out of 100%) putting him in the “some problems” category. In other words, only 16% of children have scored worse than Jacob overall.

And she tried to tell me he doesn’t qualify for special services??

According to her eval, Jacob’s worst areas are in social participation (duh), touch (double duh), and planning & ideas (problem solving and organization). And I quote, “These behaviors interfere with Jacob’s ability to appropriately interact with his classmates and effectively participate in classroom activities. Most of his behaviors are related to his difficulty with social participation. Jacob appears to struggle relating to other students, which affects his behavior. His difficulty with ideation also inhibits his ability to engage in age appropriate play with his peers.”

Once again, and she tried to tell me he doesn’t qualify for special services?? Just how far gone does a student need to be before he warrants help?

So my husband and I showed up for the meeting at the school today to meet with the Occupational Therapist, the AIS, and Jacob’s teacher. And guess what? The OT couldn’t make it!!! Furthermore, she knew she wasn’t going to be there ahead of time, and yet she NEVER contacted me so that we could reschedule. What.The.Hell?

Jacob’s case has been mishandled right from the beginning, so this was nothing more than rubbing salt in the wound. The funny thing is, the AIS and Jacob’s teacher both agree that he could benefit from either some sort of theraputic group play (which they do) or one-on-one play, each led by one of the health professionals.

Of course, right in the middle of the meeting there was a fire drill. 

I asked for another meeting to speak face to face with EVERYONE involved: the AIS, OT specialist, Jacob’s teacher, the school psychologist. It’ll either take place this Thursday or next Thursday. At this point, we are going to discuss what will happen next year. Obviously, this year has been a waste.

The one good thing to come out of this is that Jacob’s teacher said he would personally make sure Jacob is placed with the same 1st grade teacher Hannah had. We are VERY fortunate that Jacob’s kindergarten teacher has been so wonderful and supportive, and we have no doubt he will flourish with this particular 1st grade teacher, as well. 

The AIS confided that Jacob’s case has been nothing but one huge embarrassment. She said that unless the children are in the actual special education program, they don’t have the benefit of a caseworker. Ironically, that will be changing next year.

Just think if I weren’t the type of parent to advocate so strongly for what I believe is entitled to my son. Just think if I sat back waiting for them to make the first move. Jacob is lucky that I am not the type of parent to let him fall through the cracks, because that’s exactly what happens to children like him, kids whose problems are not quite so severe that they are a huge blip on everyone’s radar.

Anyway. I am so f*cking pissed off right now. 

And now I have the pleasure of contacting the OT and saying WTF?

All I can say is, dealing with this sh*t makes one get over her fear of confronatation and speaking to people REALLY quickly.

Root & Sprout: where kids and parents grow together™

Be sure to visit the June 2008 edition of Root & Sprout, the new, up-and-coming online magazine for parents by parents.

Not only are there some fantastic articles contributed by some brilliant writers, there are new sponsors to visit, a FREE product to request, and a giveaway to enter.

June 17th is the submission deadline for articles to appear in the July 2008 edition of Root & Sprout (to be published 06-29-08). Remember, everyone who submits an article will be eligible to win one of two $25 prizes made payable in the form of a direct deposit to your PayPal account or in the form of a Barnes & Noble or Borders gift card. Each article you submit is an eligible entry. Please visit the site for submission guidelines. And please remember that articles submitted for publication on Root & Sprout should not be published elsewhere.

Have you signed up for the Root & Sprout newsletter? Sign up by June 28th and be eligible to win a Root & Sprout canvas tote bag. Sign up by sending an email to newsletter@rootandsprout.com. Please write “subscribe” in the subject field.

What happened to the articles appearing on the premier edition of Root & Sprout? Check the archives!

thunderstorms

heavy rain

hail

little plants struggling to make it

need I say more?

***************

edited: My garden made it through the storm! There were a few sunflowers and strawberries with damaged leaves, but nothing major. Now the sun is shining once again. Hooray!

Bridget update: We arrived home from seeing the pediatrician not too long ago. Bridget definitely does not have strep. However, her throat is quite red and her tonsils/glands really swollen. Although the doctor we saw today is not Bridget’s normal pediatrician, he’s just as fabulous. He specializes in infectious diseases, so he is nothing less than thorough. He spent a good twenty minutes in addition to the assessment just answering my questions. He was not overly concerned by Bridget’s high temp, given that she’s been drinking plenty of fluids. I asked, “How high is too high?” Apparently, he doesn’t start to get concerned until a child’s temp reaches about 106.2, and that’s if they’re dehydrated. Bridget is most definitely not dehydrated and has been guzzling iced water non-stop. Internal damage doesn’t start to happen until around 108 degrees, and that’s usually if a body is being assaulted with heat both internally and externally, like a dehydrated football player practicing in full gear on a hot day. We’ll continue to give Bridget Motrin as indicated. If she is not well by Tuesday, I’ll take her back in for blood work. He did mention that it could be mono. More children than you think contract mono, although it’s usually mis-diagosed. The same doctor diagnosed Hannah’s mono when she was in kindegarten. I also had mono when I was a junior in highschool. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do for mono other than treat the symptoms. Personally, I don’t think it’s mono. Why? Because I’m starting to feel a little “off” myself. Bridget also suffered a massive bloody nose not too long ago, which came out of nowhere. She said her nose was running and when I turned to look at her, she was dripping blood all over the place. A little disconcerting. It’s been an eventful few days here, to say the least.

I happened to witness a gross display of parenting while in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. Horrible, horrible, horrible. That’s a post for another day, though, considering it involves me hopping up on my soapbox. I need to cool down a bit from the horror of it. Needless to say, I reported the offender to the staff. It took every ounce of my being not to pick up one of the nearby wooden blocks and whomp the lady across the noggin. Not very “Root & Sprout” of me, I know, but my protective instincts are not limited to my own children. My inner mother bear comes out no matter whose child it is, especially when the child hasn’t the capacity to defend herself against the one who is supposed to protect her.

Ugh. 

Update on Bridget: Her fever spiked to 105 last night, which made me glad I purchased an extra bottle of Children’s Motrin. I had to get up with her once during the night to give her a dose, but she did well and slept until 7:20 AM (miracle!). She let me put her in a cool bath and apply a cool rag to her head before bed, which helped to make her feel a little better. I can tell her throat is swollen, because her voice sounds distorted when she speaks. I don’t know what sort of virus or bacterial infection she has, and I am still surprised the strep test came back negative. We’ll wait to see the results of the 24-hour test, though, just to make sure. She’s perky this morning and eating/drinking/playing with the kids. And acting like her usual sassy self. *Bridget has a noon appt with the pediatrician. She’s miserable now and won’t stop crying. Her fever has spiked again. Please keep us in your thoughts.*

The Good Shepherd: Have you seen this movie with Matt Damon, Robert DeNiro, and Angelina Jolie? Yeah. That was 2 hours and 48 minutes that my husband and I will never get back. I won’t say that it was a bad movie, but it was difficult to follow. Hannah and Jacob were having their weekly slumber party in the basement, and I’m sure the solid hour of interruptions didn’t help our understanding of the movie. Also, Bridget woke up the last hour of the movie, and it was nothing but my feet are cold my feet are hot I need a blanket no not this blanket I need and apple no I said an orange don’t touch me hold me (you get the drift). From now on, I’m not requesting anything from Netflix but mindless comedies.

My garden: It’s looking a little iffy. This damn Ithaca weather. Unpredictable. Frustrating. I took a gander out there yesterday afternoon and walked away feeling a little crestfallen. All I can say is, I had healthy plants to begin with. I hardened them off like I always do. And yet, you can’t always count on the weather to do what you want or need it to do. The last thing they probably need right now is moisture, and I woke up to rain. I think they may have been damaged by the cool weather and rain we received last week, in addition to the few days of windy weather. If I were the type to curse liberally on my blog, there would be an explosion of choice expletives right now. All I can do is wait and watch. I thought the damage was limited to my cucumbers and beans, but now my peppers and tomatoes are looking a little questionable. The good news is, I still have strawberries, blueberries, lettuce, beets, chard, onions, leeks, and peas to look forward to (hopefully). But what is a garden without tomatoes and peppers? I could live without the cucumbers. But tomatoes and peppers? Their loss would be a travesty.

Root & Sprout: Tomorrow is the BIG day!! Look for new articles and more! If you haven’t already signed up for the newsletter and want a chance to win the Root & Sprout canvas tote bag, today is the LAST day to do so. Send an email to newsletter@rootandsprout.com with “subscribe” in the subject field. If you want a sneak peek at the website, I’ll actually be posting it live before I go to bed tonight. I have somewhere to be tomorrow morning, and I need to make sure everything is OKAY for the June 1st launch. I don’t want to be fixing hiccups as I’m trying to walk out the door.

Have a great weekend!